Wednesday, May 30, 2012

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Posted by engi at 12:50:00 AM
It's midnight here, and I feel soooo hungry!
I have no snack or chocolate in my fridge, I finished my last snack this afternoon :D Yeah2.. I eat a lot lately, lol. I have apples in my fridge, I think I'll have one. And cold choco drink also will do, it's quite hot here today.

I still have things that become matter in my mind, well I cannot decide somehow. It's a big matter for me, start to thinking about it a year ago n still cannot decide it until now. Call me lame, but it will be a very big decision for me. I cannot tell to anybody about it, I just don't want to be judge. People easily judge about someone else without deeply understood the main problem. I'm thinking to talking about it with my bf. But.. I dunno.. I think it should be my personal decision. I don't talk to God a lot lately, I started to lost connection I guess. He never leave me, it's me.. I'm the one who leaving him day by day:(

I'm thinking to start over everything again, to take off everything that made me look "good". Somehow me n God knows what happened, I'm not that good.. I'm not that innocent. I feels like lying to my self all this time.. but I've been use to wear that attribute for years. Who could be possibly understand about my thought?
I want to fix everything from the inside, I don't want to look good anymore coz I'm not that good. I just too afraid about people judgement about me. Am I being coward or there's part of me that feel that "how about just keep it that way while u're fixing all those rotten things inside?".

Again I'm not that innocent, only God knows. I don't deserve it.

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