Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Panic attack.. Again..

Posted by engi at 11:26:00 PM 0 comments Links to this post
This morning around 2am I woke up with my heart race like crazy, my hands was shake, and it was difficult for me to breath. I walked to bathroom for number 1, usually my heartbeat will be slower after I pee. My panic attack sometimes come just because I need to pee while I'm sleeping. Ghos.. My body really have problem with it's alarm! -_-"

After peed my heart was still racing, I know I was dehydrated because my mouth was so dry. Many times I got panic attack because my body lack of water -_-" I walked to kitchen area and grab a cup, tried to mix cold water with hot water from water dispenser but my hands was shaking, I spilled hot water on my foot. My reflect was to jump backwards. But I left the hot water flow.. 😭 I turned it off as soon as I realize it. God.. Last night was terrible!

After drank few cups of water I walked back to my bed, set up my fave movie and put my earphones on, watched that movie help me to distract my attention from my panic condition. It's been more than 10 years, but every time I get panic attack it's always terrible experience..

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Winter in Xi'an

Posted by engi at 10:04:00 AM 0 comments Links to this post

It's December already...
Winter.. Winter.. Winter...

I hate winter at some point. My skin and lips are dry and will start cracking if I don't use moisturizer. It's freaking cold outside, make me feel reluctant to go out.. even for groceries shopping. Our heating system is less hot compare to last year, so I still need to wear jacket inside the house.

The good thing about winter in Xi'an this year is, the pollution is lessen. This last few days was sunny.. I could see the blue sky. Last year at the same time, the sky was covered with SMOG (smoke and fog). I must wear face mask to protect my self every time I left the house. I hope this better air condition will last until the end of winter ^.^

BTW according to weather forecast, there's a chance of snow today... yay! I hope that's true! The first snow for this winter time ^_^

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Midterm Exam

Posted by engi at 10:13:00 PM 0 comments Links to this post

Just finished my first midterm exam after 8 years graduated from University.
My oh my... I feel old now, LOL

I was very nervous. But I was well prepared, so I'm quite confident I will get a good grade ;)

Agen Taobao

Posted by engi at 9:55:00 PM 20 comments Links to this post

So, sebulan terakhir ini aku kerja part time jadi taobao agen. Cukup melelahkan, tapi pengalaman ini sangat berharga buatku. Apalagi setelah baca text di whatsapp dari salah satu customer yang bilang suka dengan performanceku, rasanya puaaaaasssss banget! hahay!

Kalo yang belum tau apa itu taobao, boleh lah aku kasih sedikit gambaran..

Taobao adalah salah satu situs belanja online terbesar di Cina, semacam eBay di Amerika atau Tokobagus di Indonesia. Produk yang dijual banyak sekali macamnya, mulai dari pakaian, peralatan dapur, barang elektronik, furnitur, handphone, tablet, komputer, mobil, kosmetik, peralatan yoga, buku.. pokoknya semua ada! Dan yang terpenting adalah harganya bokkkkkk... SUPER DUPER MURAH! Kenapa bisa semurah itu? Alasannya karena sebagian besar supplier dari pedagang di taobao adalah produsen langsung. Tanpa adanya biaya distribusi yang panjang, harga jual menjadi sangat murah. OMG, that's so awesome!!

Personally aku adalah pelanggan taobao. Sebagian keperluan sehari-hari aku beli di taobao. Bahkan handphone ku, Xbox, yoga matt, juicer, makanan kucing, dan masih banyak lagi! Wekekeke...

Anyways.. customerku yang satu ini adalah pedagang juga di Indonesia, jadi dia belanja cukup banyak. Kalo boleh diintip sebagian barangnya sebanyak ini

Jadi alur proses belanjanya kira2 kayak gini:
1. Customer isi form pemesanan (nama barang, link barang di taobao, jumlah barang yang ingin dipesan, ukuran, warna, dst)
2. Agen (aku) buatkan invoice (total order + biaya pengiriman di cina + biaya keagenan + biaya withdrawal ATM)
3. Customer transfer sejumlah uang yang tertera di invoice
4. Agen (aku) terima dana customer, mulai melakukan pemesanan di seller taobao
5. Menunggu barang dikirimkan dari lokasi seller ke lokasi agen (aku), normally 3-5 hari.
6. Agen (aku) cek kondisi barang, apakah sesuai dengan order ataukah ada masalah (cacat produk / salah ukuran / dsb)
7. Jika ada masalah barang diretur ke seller
8. Jika tidak ada masalah customer akan diberikan informasi perkiraaan biaya pengiriman dari lokasi agen (aku) ke forwarding company (jika barang banyak), jika barang sedikit bisa langsung dikirimkan ke Indonesia melalui jasa pos atau kurir yang disepakati.
9. Customer transfer biaya pengiriman dari lokasi seller - forwarding agen / Indonesia
10. Dana diterima agen - Barang dikirimkan ke Indonesia secara langsung atau melalui forwarding company.

Yupppp... prosesnya panjang! Tapi buat pedagang, worthed lah labanya :D

Kalo buat personal buyer alias dipake sendiri, kalo memang di Indonesia barang itu nggak ada ato beli di taobao harganya jauh lebih murah. Menanti sedikit lebih lama wothed juga ^_^

Masalah fashion, pakaian, sepatu and segala rupa produk fashion di taobao bener - bener bikin ngiler! OMG segala macam model ada, dan semuanya cute!!! Bagi pecinta merk-merk ternama tapi pengen yang fake, taobao juga SURGANYA barang fake. Dan kualitasnya aku lihat bagus. Semacam sweater ZARA atau Forever 21, kualitasnya cukup bagus meskipun fake/palsu.

Sekarang masalahnya karena taobao masih tersedia dalam bahasa Cina, gimana jika kamu nggak bisa bahasa Cina? DON'T WORRY! Kalo kamu punya browser Google Chrome, kamu bisa transalate website taobao ke bahasa Indonesia ato bahasa Inggris. Cihuyyyy kannnn??
Caranya? silahkan diintip di youtube video berikut ;)

Atau silahkan kunjungi link berikut :

So, buat yang butuh jasa agen taobao atau ingin tanya2 masalah taobao secara umum, boleh lah hubungi aku atau silahkan tinggalkan komentar...
Last but not least... I LOVE TAOBAO!

~ Agen taobao part time is in the house yo!

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Hello October!

Posted by engi at 11:10:00 PM 0 comments Links to this post

Oh wow, its the second week of October already. Time flies!

October its a sad month for me. My dad passed away at this month, 5 years ago. He was a very nice guy, a very patient person, a good teacher and amazing father. He was a hard worker and really serious about his job. I'm so proud of him. Although he is not in this world anymore, but I know he is watching me...

So what's up this last few weeks?
Well, I found out that I have adenomyosis. It's a condition when tissue that should be grow inside your uterus grown inside uterus muscles. It caused I have a painful period every month. I know its a bad news but I decided to accept it and will do my best to help my body fight this condition. We will talk about it more...

Another news, my class for my second Bachelor's degree started last month. Need to push my brain to "think" again, lol! This week will be my midterm exam, I feel nervous @_@

More news....
* Got some problem on my E business -_-" God give me strength...
* Earned some extra money by become a part time Taobao agent,  Thank God! ^_^ Was very time consuming but I learn more about Taobao and shipping to another country process. More about this later!
* I bought a slow juicer! Yeppppp... welcome to a healthier life style!
* My Bebe bought an XBOX slim, he really love it!

Okay, will write more soon... Writing journal will help me to lose stress from my head!
have a great weekend everyone! ^_^

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Wild Monkey

Posted by engi at 11:07:00 PM 0 comments Links to this post

Sometimes my mind just like a wild monkey. Uncontrollable, noisy, and crazy. The more I let it free, more crazy it is. Sometimes deep breathing and trying to focused on something else helps to control this wild monkey, but sometimes it drives me crazy!

I'm a human being and still learning to control my body and mind. Keep learning, be patient, and persistent.

God please lead me...

Monday, August 11, 2014

Linkin Park: The Hunting Party

Posted by engi at 1:24:00 AM 0 comments Links to this post

I like Linkin Park since I was in high school. It was their first album, Hybrid Theory. Now you can guess how old am I from this timeline, lol.

In my house we only had one TV, and that time our TV was broken. So for me the only source to get music update back then was only from radio. How about internet? Man.. it was 1999 in a small town in Indonesia, internet was something new and very expensive. So I couldn't afford it, radio was free ;) One of my friend mentioned about this band, Linkin Park. She said their song was amazing. So I stayed tune in front of my radio waiting for this band. And my first song was "In The End". I was hypnotized, feel amazed with their song, a beautiful rock song. And since that day I became their fan. I bought their albums and always follow their news update.

I was a teenage and I thought they are able to understand me through their songs. Their songs was heal my soul at some point. I love them!

Hybrid Theory always be my favorite album, while A Thousand Suns is my least fave one. The Hunting Party is their sixth studio album, it reminds me to their first album. It has more rock touch, which I like and also has a little bit slow beat touch that reminds me to Minutes to Midnight. Overall I love The Hunting Party, although when I played it next to my mom she said, "Why is he (Chester:p) keep screaming?" LOL.. poor mom! I think must use my head phones!

 So here's the track list:

1. "Keys to the Kingdom"   3:38
2. "All for Nothing" (featuring Page Hamilton) 3:33
3. "Guilty All the Same" (featuring Rakim) Linkin Park, William Griffin 5:56
4. "The Summoning"   1:00
5. "War"   2:11
6. "Wastelands"   3:15
7. "Until It's Gone"   3:53
8. "Rebellion" (featuring Daron Malakian) Linkin Park, Daron Malakian 3:44
9. "Mark the Graves"   5:05
10. "Drawbar" (featuring Tom Morello) 2:46
11. "Final Masquerade"   3:37
12. "A Line in the Sand"   6:35
Total length:

If you want to get free copy of this album you can get it here.
If you want to buy the original copy you can go to Linkin Park official website or iTunes :)

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Mudikkkkkkk...... (lagi!)

Posted by engi at 11:14:00 PM 0 comments Links to this post

Baru bulan April kemarin Engi mudik karena ngurusin transkrip n ijazah untuk ngelanjutin studi. Eh.. tanpa diduga and dinyana awal Agustus mudik lagi, yay! \^_^/

Awal cerita dimulai saat Engi lagi berkelana di Chiangmai bareng my hubby. Hari itu hari terakhir puasa alias malam takbiran. Karena puasa di jalan cuman dengan suami tanpa emak and adek di Indo, tiba-tiba hati merasa merana. Walhasil mewek tanpa sebab. Si hubby jadi bingung nanyain kenapa mewek. Aku bilang tiba-tiba ngerasa sedih nggak bisa barengin Ibu lebaran di Indo. Sedangkan nggak ada budget buat pulang mudik lebaran karena sudah pulang bulan April. Hubby bilang "udah kamu pulang aja sendiri ke Indo, ntar aku pulang ke Cina naek kereta biar still on budget". Tambah mewek lah aku jadinya mendengar kata-kata suamiku yang baik hati ini. Yang rela naek kereta dari Bangkok ke Cina biar irit ongkos. Aku bilang nggak mau, karena emang kita musti irit tabungan and mungkin aku cuma sensitif sesaat karena ini malam takbiran. Hubby bilang "aku tau rasanya kangen ma ibu, jadi kamu mending pulang kasian Ibu sendirian. Biarin dah duit habis, yang penting kamu n ibu bahagia". Mewek lagiiiii... sambil bilang gak usah...

Setelah jalan-jalan sebentar balik lagi ke hostel karena mulai turun hujan. Capek, akhirnya ketiduran. Eh bangun tidur si hubby bilang, "aku udah beliin tiket pulang ke Indonesia tgl 3, udah bilang ibumu biar dia hepi" - sambil tersenyum manis. Huwaaaaa... mewek lagi deh aku sambil meluk si hubby! I feel so lucky! Hepi karena hubby udah beliin tiket mudik tapi sedih karena tiketnya mahal, sekitar $400. "Kan mahal..." Aku bilang gitu. "Tabungan makin habis dong..." Hubby bilang "Biarin duit habis, asal kamu hepi. Kamu adalah hidupku, kalo duit bisa cari lagi" I hugged him so tight, still sobbed. Bersyukur pada Tuhanku yang Maha Pemurah, yang memberiku suami yang sangat mencintaiku!

So, tanggal 3 Agustus mudiklah aku ke kampung halamanku. Bertemu dengan ibuku, yang sangat bersyukur akan kebaikan Tuhan dan suamiku. Mudik... bahagia rasanya!! ^_^

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Trash thoughts

Posted by engi at 2:06:00 AM 2 comments Links to this post
Trash thoughts: anger, sadness, pain, sensitivity, and all negative thoughts and feelings. Let it flow away from your mind, let it go. You don't want to have bad dreams and gloomy day because of it.. Let it go, let it flow..

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Hongkong airport sleepover again!

Posted by engi at 4:06:00 AM 0 comments Links to this post
It's cold, I already wear sweater (okay it's thin, hehe) and shawl but it's darn still cold >.< Only sleep for one hour, can't sleep anymore after that. Yawning like crazy but really can't sleep. I can feel my eyes starting swollen. I bet I will sleep on the plane later :D

There's a lady sleeping on the bench behind me, so peaceful.. How could she do that?!

This airplane has been parking here all night. It's 4am now. I can see some activities already started. One plane already moved to certain gate. And the baggage car already start moving around. Wow they are very early.

Can't hardly wait until I'm home, feel so tired...

Saturday, May 3, 2014

How grateful are you?

Posted by engi at 1:12:00 AM 0 comments Links to this post
I have been at home town for 2 weeks. Somehow this moment make me realize how lucky I am.. I forgot about it for a while, and I think I need to write it to remind my self :)

1- I'm grateful for my mom, sister, cousin and family who love me
2- I'm grateful for my wonderful husband. An answer of my prayer long time ago
3- I'm grateful for my pets who love me all this time
4- I'm grateful for my job, that's why I need to work harder and save more for our future 
5- I'm grateful for my health
6- I'm grateful I still able to give others small gifts, I wish I can give more
7-I'm grateful for your love god, without your love I'm nothing in this world!

Friday, May 2, 2014


Posted by engi at 9:59:00 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Family is a family. They love you and always miss you when you are away. That's the thing that you always remember.

To see smile in your family face is greatest feeling in this world, you must remember that.

It's a reminder for engi :)

Friday, April 25, 2014


Posted by engi at 8:29:00 AM 0 comments Links to this post
It's Friday. Last Friday I started my trip to Indonesia which took 3 days since I got long layover at hongkong. Yeah cheap air plane ticket always have ridiculous layover time , lol. Anyways time has passed so fast. Maybe too fast for me. I only have two weeks here..

Monday, April 21, 2014


Posted by engi at 2:29:00 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Your family always miss you.

My mom cares about her. She feel sad not because of me. Yes, I was wrong.

I do love you.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

I'm on my way!

Posted by engi at 7:40:00 AM 0 comments Links to this post

Good morning hongkong !
This beautiful morning heals my tired body and soul after long endless night a airport. Yes I slept over at airport last night. That was terrible. It was so cold, I barely able to sleep. There were 2 Chinese girls who didn't realize that they were chit chatting at 2am with very loud voice, giggled and sang like crazy. Omg! Typical Chinese mainlanders ! 😣

I have panda eyes now, well maybe it's the way to tell people that I'm back from China, lol!

Will grab beverage and sandwich at Starbucks. Hopefully today will be a better day and my journey will run as smooth as yoghurt 😜

Tuesday, April 15, 2014


Posted by engi at 10:32:00 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Will be home in 3-4 days. Happy and sad at the same time. Lots of thing to do, means more tiring days. The bad news is my teeth are hurt, can't eat a lot tho I'm so hungry most of the time. 😣

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Still trying to sleep

Posted by engi at 1:34:00 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Relaxing music still playing gently, doesn't make me fall asleep yet. My stomach still hurt.

I want to grateful to god for yesterday ,
#1- it was black out all day and they also cut off the water, but I can go to downtown to fixed my tooth and bought new pants and blouse at kangfu lu
#2- had wonderful hot pot dinner with Bebe, David,and Ying .
#3- my dentist said she like how the way I talk
#4- the shop keeper where I bought my pants said I'm beautiful, of course she might say that just because I bought her pants, lol

4 vs 2 -- positivity still won!


Posted by engi at 1:23:00 AM 0 comments Links to this post
It's 1am.
Awake because stomach ache. Something wrong with my stomach since yesterday. Always have stomach problem after period. Menstrual cramps might swolen my blood vessels around my stomach ? Just guessing..  My menstrual pain is worse since I moved to china, I dunno why.. Lucky Bebe always be supportive in every way.. He's sleeping now, peacefully 😍

It feels gassy inside my intestines, but it can't go out.. Ouch! 

Thursday, March 13, 2014


Posted by engi at 5:42:00 PM 0 comments Links to this post
It's March 13, had no time to write here for weeks. Did not write about my birthday neither. Oh well that was not that good anyways. I was feel stressful turned into 30. Has no "real" job, has not reach my personal goal. Feel sad.. Bebe tried to make me feel better, thank you Bebe.. but the problem is on me..

Just realized that become house wife is not easy. House errands really time consuming. Or maybe my time management is very bad. I think the second one is my real problem. Still cannot manage my time very well. Always feel tired at the end of the day. But at least now I have time to do exercise regularly. Yes I push my self to do that, to be healthy. I want to have six packs before I decide to have baby, lol.

Oh well, this is life. I think I need to push my self a little harder..

Time to preparing dinner.. TTYL

Wednesday, February 12, 2014


Posted by engi at 11:45:00 AM 0 comments Links to this post

2 weeks holiday made me feel exhausted,  messed up, And not productive. 

I wake up almost noon everyday.  Late for cleaning the house and wash dishes.  I need to prepare lunch or out for lunch, and the time suddenly show 3pm. Do little cleaning and wash dishes, and when I finished It's almost dinner time.  Relax for a while then preparing dinner,  having dinner while watching tv . The time already shows 8pm. I've done nothing for my work project nor my study.

I don't want to keep like this,  I'm tired! Feel unhealthy and out of my schedule! Frustrated! 

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Trouble is a friend in 2014

Posted by engi at 2:59:00 PM 0 comments Links to this post
According Chinese traditional calendar, 2014 is a horse year. I read that as a rat person, this year will be hard for me in many aspect. Guess what? It's not even official horse year yet but problems already come to me in high speed. If you count it from early January we can count big fight, gloomy week, Chargeback dispute, negative feedback.. Hohoho.. I think I need to be prepare for more problem and be a tough girl will singing.. "Trouble is a friend" by lenka, lol!

Wasting time

Posted by engi at 9:00:00 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Quote of the day:
If you want to waste your time, just sit on the couch and play around on your Facebook!


My oh my.. *back to work*

Saturday, January 18, 2014


Posted by engi at 2:18:00 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Yesterday bebe told me that when he went to Thailand he asked a street tarot reader to read him. The reader guy told him how's his personality, and some of them are right. He also told bebe that there are 3 women in his life; one who he thought the love of his life, one who is love of his life, and another woman that will cause trouble for him. I was thinking is he going to cheat on me in the future? I feel so insecure. After our big fight last week I'm loosing a little of my trust to him. I know he never cheated on me but what he did was hurt me. Might be stupid misunderstanding but still feels hurt. And after conversation yesterday, make it even worse 😭

It's hard for me. I feel so insecure about my future. I know I shouldn't fear of something that might not even happen. But it's really bother me. I can't talk to my mom or my sister, coz they will freak out and make it worse. I don't know what to do.. I feel I'm loosing my fighting spirit in this world. I'm so scared to be hurt again. I just don't know what to do...


God, if you still want to hear my prayer.. Please help me heal my soul..

Friday, January 17, 2014


Posted by engi at 10:23:00 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Feel weak for the whole week. 

After that big fight I realize anything can be happen in this world. Things that you don't want, it will come to you without you ask for. I feel I'm alone in this world. I'm loosing my god too, no more connection.

I feel ran out energy and faith. I need to heal my soul soon...

Wednesday, January 15, 2014


Posted by engi at 7:27:00 AM 0 comments Links to this post

It's 7 in the morning, I'm otw to dental hospital. It's still dark here, compare to Indonesia's situation at the same time. Thick jacket, shawl, boots, gloves all being wear to make ourself warm. Yes, it's still winter in Xian.

I had nightmare last night, there was dead body fell from my house's roof. That was scary! Oh well that's just a dream..

My body feel unwell this last few days. I think I need to start exercise again. But guess what I'm just to lazy to do that! My stomach already fatty that should be a sign right?! Please help me wake from this laziness!!!

Sunday, January 12, 2014


Posted by engi at 2:24:00 PM 0 comments Links to this post
It's me again...

When I was in Indonesia what I earn in a month I cans spend it for 4 months, but for now what I earn in a month it will gone in a month with no saving at all. Frustrating...

I think it means I must work 4 times harder just to have saving? God please help me...


Posted by engi at 2:18:00 PM 0 comments Links to this post
I feel very frustrated today. Even a small problem became big deal and made me cry. 

I hate the fact that what I earn every month is gone just like in one click since I live in China. I have no saving anymore, feels like crap!

Sad sad sad.. Frustrating...

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