---

It's midnight here, and I feel soooo hungry!
I have no snack or chocolate in my fridge, I finished my last snack this afternoon :D Yeah2.. I eat a lot lately, lol. I have apples in my fridge, I think I'll have one. And cold choco drink also will do, it's quite hot here today.

I still have things that become matter in my mind, well I cannot decide somehow. It's a big matter for me, start to thinking about it a year ago n still cannot decide it until now. Call me lame, but it will be a very big decision for me. I cannot tell to anybody about it, I just don't want to be judge. People easily judge about someone else without deeply understood the main problem. I'm thinking to talking about it with my bf. But.. I dunno.. I think it should be my personal decision. I don't talk to God a lot lately, I started to lost connection I guess. He never leave me, it's me.. I'm the one who leaving him day by day:(

I'm thinking to start over everything again, to take off everything that made me look "good". Somehow me n God knows what happened, I'm not that good.. I'm not that innocent. I feels like lying to my self all this time.. but I've been use to wear that attribute for years. Who could be possibly understand about my thought?
I want to fix everything from the inside, I don't want to look good anymore coz I'm not that good. I just too afraid about people judgement about me. Am I being coward or there's part of me that feel that "how about just keep it that way while u're fixing all those rotten things inside?".

Again I'm not that innocent, only God knows. I don't deserve it.

Linkin Park - Burn It Down Official Video & Lyrics

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxytyRy-O1k

Burn It Down - Linkin Park

The cycle repeated
As explosions broke in the sky
All that I needed
Was the one thing I couldn't find
And you were there at the turn
Waiting to let me know

We're building it up
To break it back down
We're building it up
To burn it down
We can't wait
To burn it to the ground

The colors conflicted
As the flames, climbed into the clouds
I wanted to fix this
But couldn't stop from tearing it down
And you were there at the turn
Caught in the burning glow
And I was there at the turn
Waiting to let you know

We're building it up
To break it back down
We're building it up
To burn it down
We can't wait
To burn it to the ground

You told me yes
You held me high
And I believed when you told that lie
I played soldier, you played king
And struck me down, when I kissed that ring
You lost that right, to hold that crown
I built you up, but you let me down
So when you fall, I'll take my turn
And fan the flames
As your blazes burn

And you were there at the turn
Waiting to let me know

We're building it up
To break it back down
We're building it up
To burn it down
We can't wait
To burn it to the ground

When you fall, I'll take my turn
And fan the flames
As your blazes burn

We can't wait
To burn it to the ground

When you fall, I'll take my turn
And fan the flames
As your blazes burn

We can't wait
To burn it to the ground

Insomnia??

It's 2:25AM and I still can't sleep!
It's been my second day of being like this, oh no.. I can't let it continues.

I need to go to city tomorrow T_T

Lucky by Jason Mraz feat Colbie Caillat

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acvIVA9-FMQ&feature=share

"Lucky"
(feat. Colbie Caillat)

Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Abs Workout Journal : Week 3 (May8-18)

Back to my abs workout journal, at last I took pic of my abs. Too lazy to do it last week, so we pass week 2 :D

My current abs workout is mixture between Jillian's abs mini workout video + stomach exercise for sexy abs video + 5 minutes workout at home video. I don't do the whole 3 at the same day, I just mix it random, 2 videos per day. But I always use Jillian's video everyday. Oh, I also do workout for the whole body. I think it also count to give contribution to my abs progress ;)

Please refer to these posts for videos :
Abs workout journal Week 1
Lets Workout!

Okay, here we go...

Week 1

 5'2" / 78lbs

 

 Week 3

5'2" / 80lbs

>> Yes, I gain 2 pound in 2 weeks. Thanks to those food that sacrifice them self  to be eaten by me :D
>> As you could see, I have better abs muscle on the right, left, up, and lower part area (sorry u are restricted to see the lower part, lol). But my main problem on the center part (yes.. my doughnut abs) still remain T_T The fat are getting softer now, but we can see it still maintain it's existence! 

>>  Is it just me or you also see that my waist getting curvier?

Getting more passionate to get rid this doughnut abs off!

Are you with me? :D

---

Feel

Miss you

- God level -

^,^

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I have so many negative energy tonight, negative thoughts.. really need to release it soon, change it to positive energy. I think a bit exercise will do? But I still stuffed now.. Then meditation will do I guess? Or just a bit nap?
lol, oh c'mon Engi!

Abs Workout Journal : Week 1 (May1-7)

I already start abs work out program early this month. About 2 weeks run now :)
As I wrote before, I lost 6 lbs after get cold for 5 days on week 17. I need to gain my weight back. At the same time I have problem in my abs area. My mid section have fat that very difficult to get rid off. That's why I thought loosing 6lbs last month also give advantage to my abs, cuz at the same time I loose some fat there, lol.

I decided to do abs work out despite normal work out for the whole body as part of weight gain program :D
I started to find which exercise that might work for me. I decide to use Jillian Michaels video that I found on youtube below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1hHkB5eOXw

and also

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4S7sYup_Rw

I do this exercise about almost everyday. It's painful really T_T 

But believe me it's worth to try, I could see some changes on my abs shape :D Too bad I don't have pic of my abs before start this work out as comparison. But I took pic after one week worked out.

5'2" / 78lbs - Week 1

You could see the side part of my abs already have some muscles.. errr.. a bit muscle? lol

But look at the center part, that's what I called doughnut abs. The center part has fat that very difficult to get rid off. still looking for other videos to working on that part. Any advise?

For this week I haven't take any pic, maybe later. Will keep you update ;)

For skinny girls out there, don't give up girls we could gain more weight and have a bit curvy body, haha!

NO PAIN NO GAIN and EAT MORE!

^,^

Lets Workout!

Hey there..

Today I start new work out, I bet it will make you all sweaty! Haha..

Wanna peek?

Click link below if you want to see it on youtube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTJesxB1aZY&list=UUiP6wD_tYlYLYh3agzbByWQ&index=3&feature=plcp

I'm 5'2" and now my weight is 80lbs. Yes, I'm skinny ;)
I'm working out to gain weight and build a bit muscle at the same time. That's why I must bump up my intake of healthy calories and keep working out. The admin of youtube channel above advise me to take 3-4 times exercise in a week. I started my new work out program by today, and let's see the progress in a week ;)

I do additional workout for my doughnut tummy :D

youtube link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BL6l9xdm2zo&feature=share

A bit comment about this video...

She's sooooooooo funny! Just watch the video and you'll know what I'm talking about :D

Long Distance Relationship

Lives in different country and only communicate by text or chat will give you pain sometimes. Especially when one of the party is busy with his job and the other party is missing him a lot. To control a growing feeling is very difficult, as I said it just like tame a wild horse ;)

Yes I miss him rite now, can't hardly wait until summer to be together for good.

Must be patient... 

*take a deep breath*

God please don't leave us ^_^

Food Intake for Weight Gain

I'm in weight gain program (again!) after loosing 6 lbs because of 5 days cold T_T Already gain 2lbs back after 2 weeks. Yes.. gaining weight it's a big deal for girl with high metabolism like me!

As usual I exercising before drink + take meal in the morning, and today I take...

(pictures I take from google search, too lazy to take pictures of my own today :D)

Breakfast : 

2 glass of water + 3 sunny side up eggs

Brunch :

A glass of cold choco milk + Banana

Lunch :

2 glass of water + a bowl of rice + a bowl of veggie soup + 1 pc fried tempe + 1 pc fried tofu + 2 pcs  potatoes perkedel 

Yeah.. big lunch for skinny girl, lol

Afternoon Snack :

Chunky Bar

 Dinner:

2 Glass of water + same menu as lunch :D

----------------------------------------------------------------

Now I feel stuffed!

Hope today's intake will help my weight gain program, sure I ate a lot! lol

Falling In Love

Mario Teguh's quote today:

Falling in love is the most beautiful accident.
There is no plan or preparation required for falling in love.
The real problem is following it up according to your plan.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's so true somehow. 

You will never know to whom you will in love. It just came into you and you will never realize when it actually started. Well, at least that's what happened to me! lol

The sensation when your heart beats so fast suddenly and some weird electricity run into your heart, just amazing. I like that.

My baby told me that marriage is love+work hard to keep everything on plan. Agreed with him ^.^

Shinzui Sabun Cair & Body Scrub : I like it!!!

Kulit tubuh manusia, pada umumnya memiliki warna yang berbeda di daerah tertentu. Misalnya, di bagian tangan atau kaki pada kebanyakan orang akan memiliki warna kulit yang lebih gelap dibandingkan paha atau perut. Hal ini dikarenakan bagian tubuh yang tidak tertutup pakaian lebih banyak terkena sinar matahari dibandingkan bagian tubuh yang sehari-hari terturup oleh pakaian. Bagian lipatan-lipatan tubuh juga cenderung memiliki warna yang lebih gelap daripada bagian tubuh yang lain.

Pertanyaannya adalah, jika kulit perut seseorang memiliki warna lebih gelap dari pada lengan orang tersebut.. apakah:
1. Orang tersebut adalah penari perut yang berpakaian terbuka di bagian perut tapi tertutup di bagian lengan?
2. Kulit warna orang tersebut memang tidak mengikuti kaidah yang berlaku bagi kebanyakan orang?
Hahaha.. okay.. pertanyaan Engi ganjil banget kan?

Pasti kamu akan bertanya-tanya, "Emang ada orang yang kulit perutnya berwarna lebih gelap dari kulit tangannya?".
Engi berani menjawab, "Ada!".
Dan jika pertanyaan selanjutnya terlontar oleh kamu "Ah, ga mungkin! Memang sapa yang memiliki kulit aneh seperti itu?"
Engi kembali menjawab, "It was me!". LOL

Jujur saja, say juga bingung kenapa bisa begitu. Kalo berkata logika, warna kulit lebih gelap dikarenakan oleh terkena sinar matahari langsung secara terus menerus atau karena banyak sel kulit mati disana. Logika pertama tidak masuk dalam otak Engi, karena Engi gak pernah sun bathing khusus perut, hehehe.. Logika kedua lebih masuk akal, yep.. banyak sel kulit mati disana. Pertanyaan yang muncul di kepalaku, kenapa di bagian perut plus pinggang saja? Sedangkan punggung memiliki warna lebih cerah? Oh.. kulit yang aneh T_T

Bertahun-tahun mencoba produk scrub badan (lulur) berbagai merek, sabun dan whitening lotion untuk meratakan warna kulit, tapi gak ada yang berhasil secara signifikan. Nggak perlu nyebut merek dah disini, panjang banget ntar daftarnya :D Digosok pake puff/spon ampe perih pun juga reguler dilakukan, tapi ya warnanya gak banyak berubah. Frustrating banget! Bingung mo ngapain lagi... mo coba produk pemutih yang dari Cina gitu nggak berani, takut bahan yang digunakan berbahaya buat kulit.

Suatu hari pas belanja bulanan iseng lihat produk Shinzui di deretan sabun. Yang ada dikepala aku "apa salahnya nyoba?" Akhirnya aku beli Shinzui sabun cair yang Kirei. Nggak banyak berharap sebetulnya, tapi sangat tergiur dengan wanginya yang lembut dan relaxing banget. Selama ini cuma tau Shinzui yang sabun batangan, karena gak suka sabun batang jadi gak tertarik coba. Tapi setelah tau ada produk baru yang sabun cair.. berminat juga untuk mencoba.

Seminggu pertama pake, sudah tampak perubahan. Warna gelap kulit perutku sedikit memudar, amazing! Memang masih jauuuhhhh lebih gelap dari pada warna kulit tanganku (parah!), but I could see the difference from the condition before I use this soap ;) Untuk kulit yang sudah berwarna terang, tak banyak perubahan yang terjadi.  

Kesimpulan sepihak dan tanpa uji ilmiah yang kuambil (hehe!) bahwa sabun ini membantu mengangkat sel kulit mati yang memberi efek mencerahkan kulit tubuh, tapi jika kulit tertentu sudah pada batas maksimal kecerahannya warnanya tidak akan banyak berubah. Dalam hal efek kelembutan kulit, sabun ini juga patut diacungi jempol. Bikin kulit lembut banget dah!

Terus berjuang!! Akhirnya pake produk body scrub (lulur) juga. Lumayan lama progressnya, mungkin karena bandel banget kondisi kulit perutku butuh waktu 6 bulan bagi kulit perutku untuk lebih cerah dari pada warna kulit lenganku! Hahaha.. kulit badak :p

Untuk masalah keamanan bahan-bahan yang digunakan oleh produk ini, aku rasa dapat dipertanggung jawabkan. Mereka punya sertifikat dari badan POM dan sertifikat halal. Jadi kurasa nggak perlu khawatir. Link below for your reference:

http://www.bkpjkt.com/productdetail.php?idcat=3&idprod=11#

End of the story.. I feel happy found this product! Bagi kalian yang punya masalah yang sama dengan aku dan sudah capek nyoba banyak produk pencerah kulit untuk meratakan warna kulit yang abnormal (dang!). Shinzui worth to try lho...

Good luck!



PS : Engi tidak dibayar oleh pihak produsen untuk melakukan review atau promosi produk ini. Engi cuma mencoba sharing atas kebebasan atas rasa frustasi dari kondisi kulit yang abnormal :D

Meddled in

I never meddled in to someone else business, and I expecting others will do the same. But somehow in reality, this world not as that perfect. There will always someone that meddled in to your business tho you never do that to them. It's annoying sometimes, and politely to tell this person that I know what I'm doing is the best way I could do not to hurt anybody. I always try to keep everything in "peace" situation. I don't know if it's something that right to do for others, but I've been make peace with this life and trying to stop being angry about many things. This life is so short and not worth to fill it with negative energy.

---

When you are in love, you might be loose some of your logic and everything might change to beautiful things about ur partner. Even to see his back could make your heart beat so fast and smiling without any reason. That's what happened to me now! lol

Mario Teguh Quote : A Good Family

A good family is started with love,

built with tender care,

and maintained with loyalty.

Mario Teguh