Goodbye 2015

Last day of 2015. It's sunny yet foggy or I can say... Smoggy??!! LOL

2015 was a hard year for me. School stress, miscarriage, and slow business are the rocks. But you know what? I shed tears, but I made it till the end!

Goodbye 2015! Looking forward to brighter year in 2016!

Mopping time!

Ngepel di musim dingin itu... Sesuatu banget! Brrrrrrrr.... 

#winter #cleaning #mopping

Flowers received!

Dapet kiriman bunga dari Bebe.  Bingung . Perasaan ultah ku masih 3 bulan lagi, kok udah dapet bunga? Lol

Lagi romantis dia rupanya, kata dia karna Aq lagi gak enak badan. Aihhhhh... Co cweeeettttt...

Love you Be!

Change

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In pain again... Doh...

Stuck again... Doh...

Xian here I come!

It's 6:30 in the morning and I already hangout at the airport 😆 I will go to Xian to meet my dentist. It will be our first meeting after I moved to Nanjing. I hope it will goes well.

The taxi driver who took me to the airport this morning was really nice. Middle aged guy with a happy face. He was confused when I told him I would like to go to "jichang" - airport in Chinese (yes, my Chinese is terrible, lol). He was thinking for couple seconds and suddenly shout, airport! Hahaha... That was cute! Not many taxi driver can speak English 😁

To be honest I feel freaking sleepy right now. I'm not a coffee person, but I need something warm to wake me up. Well, I will go for hot milk tea then 😘 Heading to McCafe...

Mid Term Week.. Again...

So, today is the last day of this semester mid-term exams. I finished my mid-term exam for my XML class yesterday. I still have one more assignment to submit for my Python class.  I almost finished it, just need to make sure I will get better grade this time. Last assignment for the same program for Perl language my professor gave me 85/100. He said he concern about usability of my program. That was the nice way to say my program was useless, lol... Okay, need to get breakfast and start to work again.. Ciao!

Sunday Afternoon

I used to be exploring the city on Sunday afternoon... or just laying around the house and enjoying the day. Be lazy, snuggling on the couch with my hubby...

Now...

He has to work overtime while I'm doing my school assignments... I forget that I haven't take shower all day. My oh my... what a stinky lady! >.< LOL

Oh.. Sunday afternoon...

Indian Incense - Dupa India

https://item.taobao.com/item.htm?spm=a1z09.2.0.0.0oGGek&id=15806658122&_u=m1nb6mkie56b

So... I really like to burn incense at home, it's so relaxing... and I'm kinda addicted to sniff it, LOL

My fave incense brand is called RAJ, it's Indian incense. smells freakin good! I bought Chinese incense from local supermarket before, I ended up coughing all the time so I trew it.

I always buy this Indian incense from Taobao.com, you can check the link above for your reference. It's quite cheap. It's RMB9.60 per box, so its about USD1.50 or IDR22,000. If you buy 10 boxes, the seller will give you free shipping (inside China) and wooden incense box. I already have incense box, so the seller usually give me extra incense instead. Cool isn't?

My fave senses are Cannabis and Blue moon... Yes Cannabis, tho' I dunno the real burnt cannabis smells like, LOL

Hello Nanjing!

Hello readers!

Setelah sekian lama vakum (lagi!), Engi kembali lagi ke dunia blogging :D

Kali ini alasanku lama vakum karena pindahan... Yaich! Pindahan itu ribet minta ampun. Untung baru sekali ini pindahan antar kota setelah tinggal di Cina hampir 3 tahun.  Sekarang Engi terdampar di kota Nanjing. Nanjing pernah menjadi ibu kota negara Cina untuk beberapa Dinasti dan sebelum Beijing (kalo gak salah) :D Yang penasaran silahkan baca lengkapnya di wikipedia

Anyways.. udah sebulan terdampar disini, belum sempat kemana2.. Sibukkkk... ma tugas kuliah dan kerjaan rumah. Alamakkkk.. padahal hobiku jalan2.. -_-" Belom sempet juga poto2 keindahan Nanjing, padahal deket rumah ada Danau nan cantik. Tapi beberapa saat lalu pas ke downtown nemu ini nih, kursi cantik nan sexy... Lupa tepatnya dimana, kayanya sekitaran 1912 nightlife area.

Hahahaha.. how cool is that?!

Libur 'tlah tiba!

Akhirnya.. tugas terakhir kelar juga! Final exam juga udah kelar 3 hari lalu. Legaaaa rasanya summer course udah kelar.  Aku punya sekitar sebulan sebelum Fall courses dimulai :D

Besok pengen jalan-jalan ke Kangfu Lu (tempat grosis fashion), pengennya berangkat pagi-pagi soalnya kalo udah agak siangan panas banget. Maklum udah summer. Abis itu pengennya ke Vivo city trus pulang. Moga aja gak gitu rame soalnya hari Minggu -_-"

Btw, aku nggak sengaja nelan rubber ring di braces ku. Hari senin musti ke Hospital buat pasang lagi. Tadi udah nanya ke dentist yang pernah nangani aku, kata dia gak apa-apa ketelan, tapi diseuruh makan sayur yang banyak biar cepat keluar. Hahahaha!

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Accept the defeat and be peace with yourself.

Keguguran

Minggu lalu adalah minggu terberat dalam hidupku, secara fisik dan mental. Aq saat itu hamil 7 minggu 6 hari, anak pertama kami. Dan aq harus menyerah pada takdir Tuhan untuk merelakan dia pergi...

Rabu, 20 Mei, 2015
Aku belanja ke Lotus supermarket, makan siang di Ajisen ramen. Kira2 jam 3, belanja udah selesai n pengen langsung pulang, tapi kebelet pipis. Akhirnya pipis di toilet KFC, pas nge-wipe ada lendir coklat di tisu. Hatiku mulai merasa gak enak. Akhirnya searching di internet, banyak orang yang mengalami, tapi bukan hal yang serius.

Kamis, 21 Mei, 2015
Pagi2 keluar darah coklat, agak siang malah keluar darah merah. Aku akhirnya text Bebe, bilang kejadiannya. Akhirnya dia minta ijin off dari tempat kerja n nganterin aku ke rumah sakit. Setelah sampe di rumah sakitm dokter bilang ini bisa berbahaya karena darah yang keluar lumayan banyak. Dia menyarankan ambil tes USG untuk cek keadaan bayiku. Hasil USG menyatakan tidak ditemukan detak jantung si bayi. Tapi dokter belum yakin apakah bayiku sudah tiada di dalam sana ato alat sonogramnya belum bisa mendeteksi detak jantung si bayi karena baru 7 minggu.
Dokter bilang jika bleedingnya tambah banyak, esok harinya aku harus balik ke rumah sakit. Jika pendarahannya berhenti, maka aku harus balik ke rumah sakit unyuk cek seminggu lagi. Lalu dokter juga kasih aku obat untukmenguatkan bayinya.
Pendarahanku tambah banyak, malam harinya aku mengalami kontraksi. Kram hebat, seperti kram yang kualami tiap bulan karena aq memiliki Adenomyosis di uterusku. Tapi bedanya, sakitnya kali ini gak berhenti sama sekali. Menstrual painku biasanya paling sakit bertahan cuma 2 jam dalam sehari, tapi kali ini berlangsung terus menerus. It was a labor pain, it was terribly painful! Aq coba beberapa pose yoga yang biasanya membantu meringankan menstrual pain ku, baru 5 menit aku udah gak tahan saking sakitnya. Bebe terlihat bingung melihat aq kesakitan, dia cuma memelukq dengan wajah sedih.
Aku pindah ke tempat tidur, coba child pose selama beberapa menit, cukup membantu meringankan rasa sakitnya. Beberapa menit kemudian sakitnya semakin parah ditambah muntah2. Setelah itu aku cuma bisa berbaring kesakitan sampai dini hari, sekitar jam 2 an akhirnya aku tertidur.

Jumat, 22 Mei, 2015
Sekitar jam 7 pagi aq terbangun, rasa sakitnya hilang. Aku coba turun dari tempat tidur , lalu aq merasa ada sesuatu yang merosot turun dari V ku, bergerenjal. Aku berjalan cepat ke kamar mandi, sesuatu itu keluar dan jatuh di sanitary padku. It was my baby's placenta and tiny embryo. I cried so hard  I scream to my Bebe that I lost our baby. He cried and said "I'm so sorry Baby" so many times.
Masih sambil menangis aku minta dia ambil zip lock plastic bag buat bungkus babyku karena aku masih gak tau musti diapakan remainsnya. It looks like meat lump, it just 7 weeks you cant really see anything. Aku simpan di fridge buat sementara, karena aku harus ke rumah sakit. Sekitar jam 1 kami ke rumah sakit, perutku sudah tak begitu sakit lagi. Aku bilang ke dokter kalo aku keguguran. Dia kirim aku ke ruang USG, hasil menunjukkan kalo embryo bayiku sudah tak ada, tak ada plasenta yang tersisa, it was complete miscarriage, jadi gak perlu di curette untuk membersihkan rahimku. Tapi nampak ada blood cloth yang harus dikeluarkan, kata dojter bisa keluar sendiri gak perlu obat. Kram ringan berlanjut sampe malam.
Kami pun sangat bersedih...

Sabtu, 23 Mei, 2015
Kram berat seperti keguguran lagi, sepanjang hari tak ada hentinya, ditambah mual2. Aku minum ibuprofen tapi tak mempan sama sekali, sakitnya tak mau pergi. Labor pain berlanjut sampai esok harinya, aku tsk bisa tidur karena terlalu sakit.

Minggu, 24 Mei, 2015
Rasa sakit masih berlanjut, seharian. Baru di sore hari aku lihat semacam selaput keluar, setelah itu sakitnya mulai berkurang.

Senin, 25 Mei, 2015
Masih sakit, level Adenomyosis menstrual pain tapi tidak terlalu intense. 8/10 scale. Kram berat, anus rasanya mo copot, pantat sakit, pinggang rasanya mo patah. Tiap kali aku coba makan pasti mau muntah. Aku sudah kehilangan 2 kg.

Selasa, rabu sakitnya mulai berkurang. Aq sudah mulai bisa jalan. N mulai bisa makan. Thank God...

Keguguran itu sakitnya gak hanya di hati karena rasa kehilangan, tapi juga di badan karena berasa melahirkan berhari2. Aku belum pernah merasakan rasa sesakit ini. Hari ini, aq masih merasa lemas tapi rasa sskit sudah mulai hilang. Tapi badan berasa meriang.. Benar kata dokter, aku harus bedrest seminggu. Tapi kemaren aku maksa bersihin rumah yang kayak kapal pecah karna udah 5 hari aku sakit. Walhasil aku ngerasa gak enak badan lagi 😟

I feel sad n tired physically..
I love you my little blueberry... Goodbye my little one...

New battle has arrived

Yes, new battle has arrived.
No more playing candy crush saga on my tab, or watching tv all day long... Holiday is over!
Javascript is waiting for me, the professor seems pretty strict about grades and very meticulous. So many assignments n projects waiting for me. Be strong Engi, be strong!

Black Heart

Black black heart.

Evil, full of jealousy.

How could a human being has it.

I just don't know why...

God save me...

I fail I learn

So I made stupid mistake last night. I submitted the wrong file for my last assignment for my c class. It has no header, so I got 30 points deduction. I worked on the program for a week. I couldn't make it work as it is should be, but I know I should get at least 80 points. But because of my stupidity I only get 50 points! I worked hard the whole semester  to get A grade, but now I can't make it because my carelessness 😞 I feel so upset..

I need to swallow this bitter pill, learn my lesson and move on.

Breath... Breath...

The class cost me a lot of money.

Breath... Breath...

I need to do yoga 😒

Time is running out!

Our time is running out

Our time is running out

You can't push it underground

You can't stop it screaming out...

(Time is running out - Muse)

Yes, I love this song! But I hate the fact that, that is what I feel right now.

I took 2 classes this semester. I will have final exams in 2 weeks. I have 2 more assignments to do, and I have 1 final project to be done by April 4th. I have not read course material for this week. I should have started working on my final project today. But I have so many things to do, and now already 9pm, OMG!!  >.<

I feels like a turtle. I'm super duper slow... and this turtle is trying to crossing a highway that full of cars, yaich!! I wish 1 day is 36 hours!

HELP!!!

*... panting...*

I need to take a break for tonight... 

Happy birthday to me!

Turn 31.
Got a lot of gifts from Bebe, makes me feel special.
Adenomyosis hate me, it give me pain on my birthday.
God love me, He give me such a wonderful life, make stronger every single day.. Thank you for all of your blessings!
Happy birthday to me 

Death

Few days ago I heard from my old friend that my friend from my previous job passed away because of accute stomach ulcers problem. I was shocked, hes only 1 year older from me. Too young to die .. He was a very kind person, friendly and help others a lot. Who ever thought that he will leave this world that fast? But guess what, you cannot choose when you born and that's also mean you cannot choose when are you going to die. Death is something that every human being  will experience. Death .. Is something that I scares about..