Trouble is a friend in 2014

According Chinese traditional calendar, 2014 is a horse year. I read that as a rat person, this year will be hard for me in many aspect. Guess what? It's not even official horse year yet but problems already come to me in high speed. If you count it from early January we can count big fight, gloomy week, Chargeback dispute, negative feedback.. Hohoho.. I think I need to be prepare for more problem and be a tough girl will singing.. "Trouble is a friend" by lenka, lol!

Wasting time

Quote of the day:

If you want to waste your time, just sit on the couch and play around on your Facebook!

Lol

My oh my.. *back to work*

Insecure

Yesterday bebe told me that when he went to Thailand he asked a street tarot reader to read him. The reader guy told him how's his personality, and some of them are right. He also told bebe that there are 3 women in his life; one who he thought the love of his life, one who is love of his life, and another woman that will cause trouble for him. I was thinking is he going to cheat on me in the future? I feel so insecure. After our big fight last week I'm loosing a little of my trust to him. I know he never cheated on me but what he did was hurt me. Might be stupid misunderstanding but still feels hurt. And after conversation yesterday, make it even worse 😭

It's hard for me. I feel so insecure about my future. I know I shouldn't fear of something that might not even happen. But it's really bother me. I can't talk to my mom or my sister, coz they will freak out and make it worse. I don't know what to do.. I feel I'm loosing my fighting spirit in this world. I'm so scared to be hurt again. I just don't know what to do...

#sob

God, if you still want to hear my prayer.. Please help me heal my soul..

--

Feel weak for the whole week. 

After that big fight I realize anything can be happen in this world. Things that you don't want, it will come to you without you ask for. I feel I'm alone in this world. I'm loosing my god too, no more connection.

I feel ran out energy and faith. I need to heal my soul soon...

---

It's 7 in the morning, I'm otw to dental hospital. It's still dark here, compare to Indonesia's situation at the same time. Thick jacket, shawl, boots, gloves all being wear to make ourself warm. Yes, it's still winter in Xian.

I had nightmare last night, there was dead body fell from my house's roof. That was scary! Oh well that's just a dream..

My body feel unwell this last few days. I think I need to start exercise again. But guess what I'm just to lazy to do that! My stomach already fatty that should be a sign right?! Please help me wake from this laziness!!!

---

It's me again...

When I was in Indonesia what I earn in a month I cans spend it for 4 months, but for now what I earn in a month it will gone in a month with no saving at all. Frustrating...

I think it means I must work 4 times harder just to have saving? God please help me...

---

I feel very frustrated today. Even a small problem became big deal and made me cry. 

I hate the fact that what I earn every month is gone just like in one click since I live in China. I have no saving anymore, feels like crap!

Sad sad sad.. Frustrating...