---

It's my third day wake up in the middle of the night with panic feeling and heart pounding. Not something big but quiet annoying.

I'm trying to convince my self that everything is fine, but still I think my heart beats faster than it should be. I need to rebuild my thoughts, and I know I will able to do it after write it down.

God please save my soul from this stupidness ...

--

I bought new daily planner book for 2014, hopefully help to maintain my time management ^_^

Ganbarimasu!

--

Just read my old posts, reminds me how difficult my relationship on Oct-Nov. The good news is that storm already over, thank God we are still together until now ^_^

I'm learning Chinese from books, but I still don't have daily schedule for that. I should study it everyday so I would be able to speak it soon.. Chinese is not easy guys.. the tones, OMG! -_-"

Another language that I should study more is English, my grammar is soooooo bad! T_T

I think my time management is not good. My goal is to do daily chores, study English grammar, Chinese, Quran and do my work everyday. But somehow I can't do all of it everyday, I always feel that not enough time. And I always feel tired at night. Have no time to do exercise anymore. Or maybe that's just my excuse :D

Anyways.. Since it's Monday, I want to start over again.. Although this morning I waste my time by took nap for an hour. Oh well, I was so tired..

Ghost

It's been a while!

Today I want to write about my dream last night. It's weird, it's been long time since the last time I dreamed about ghost. Indonesian woman ghost a.k.a kuntilanak, for me she's scary! She looks like ju on movie.
Indonesian believe that kuntilanak appear as awoman with black long hair and white dress,  She was a pregnant woman who died before having the baby or during the labor. She kinda looks like this

How about ju on? Oh my.. she's so scary, make me has goosebumps -_-"

Okay that's enough! Fyuh...

--

It's 2am. Just take a walk around my apartment block, trying to kill my anger. I'm so angry! Why he can't keep his words?!

Tired...

It's November!

Again, time flies..

I still have some short term goals that I have to do start this month. Can't mentioned here, but I have the details on mind.

Why is he never learned from what happened? I think he just doesn't care. And I'm tired crying...

---

Just read this interesting article...

http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2013/02/7-thoughts-that-will-change-your-marriage/

 I will start to write my own gratitude journal!

Panic Attacks... Again...

I had 2 light panic attacks in a week. I was able to control it, drank a lot of water and controlled my breathing. Still.. I was annoyed with this kind of attack, tired of it.. Why can't my brain works normally? Stop sending false alarm!!!

---

People are change.

Maybe they are not.

Maybe you are never knew them that well.

That's break your heart.

Maybe you live in your own world all this time.

The fantasy world of your own.

When the fact is different.

How would you synchronized them?

Would you just cry day by day?

Would you runaway?

Or would you change yourself?

People are change.

Why being so sad... ?

Kang Le Pet Hospital - Zizu's Big Day!

Introducing our sweetheart... His name is ZIZU

He loves to bite, play rough, crazy little kitty! Lol.. We found him strayed nearby our apartment neighborhood 2 weeks ago. He was so skinny and dirty.

This afternoon we took him to vet to get health check, vaccine, and neutered. We found a pet hospital not far from place where we live. This hospital called Kang Le Pet Hospital. For foreigner that can't speak Chinese, finding pet hospital could be a pain in the ass. But we were lucky, we accidentally found it because it's near to our fave pizza place 😁

So here is the hospital

 

I took picture around it's neighborhood so u could find it easier cuz the place a little bit hiding. 

It's a small clinic with one doctor and one staff. The doctor don't speak English but the staff could speak English a little, so quite help. They are nice and helpful. 

So zizu got health checked (460 yuan), neutered/surgery (400 yuan), and vaccinated for rabies and toxoplasma (110 yuan), total we must pay 970 yuan for the whole process. Zizu got his vaccine report book and we need to take other vaccine next month.

Neutered is something big for a cat. He looked so happy when I picked him up at the hospital, he was still under anesthetic. Looked like drunken car, lol. Growling sometimes.. Feels like telling us he is not comfortable.. 

Poor baby, he still feel weak. Get well soon zizu, we love u so much bitty cat!!!

---

Omg it's October already. I can't do most of my plans on time. September was a tough month for my business n my personal life. Some problems made me think and think again about my life. I know that this life won't be 100% as what u want it to be, be the fact made me feel sad..

Be tough is part of our role in this world, somehow I feel weak rite now. Need to gain my strength again.. Stop being sad about small things that disappointed me. That's how people become adult rite?

Have nothing left to say for now. I miss to have a long prayer..

--

Some people say after u married for certain month ur partner will change. Maybe they are right.. For instance there is guys night now n he will go without you anyway for rafting when u are sick. We will always do everything together are not there anymore, changed by even though we don't do everything together we still love each other so much..

It makes me sad.

I don't know I have this thoughts just because pre menstrual syndrome n having mood swing, or the birth control pills make my hormones gone crazy, or is it really what I think.. I just don't know..

Update : I think that's only mood swing as part of PMS 😝

---

I've been so sensitive today. I feel so depressed, maybe just mood swing coz I will have my period in few days. Become not logic, unreasonably sensitive.. Very annoying..

My body also not cooperating, feel weak, my ear is hurt again, and I already unload for three times today.

I just not sure what's going on... I'm sorry bebe..

Ear infection

It's day 3 of my ear infection, or maybe day 5 if I count from the first time I got vertigo. Anyways it's my last day to get IV. Happy to say I just had it. Now all done, no more IV! 

I still feel weak, my ear hurt this morning but I feel better after I got my IV. I think I should follow what doctor said n didn't do what we did last night. I feel so tired n weak today.. I need to get rest..

Tomorrow I will start to consume pills that doctor gave me. Mostly antibiotics. If until 3 days consuming pills I still not getting better I need to go to visit doctor again. Wish me get better soon okay?

My ear look fine from outside isn't ? T_T

New Balance Shoes

Bebe told me, new balance is the best running shoes brand. It is light and comfortable, well maybe bebe is right 😁

Thanks for the new shoes my love! 😘

First IV in my life

On Sunday I had vertigo, my throat sore and sneezing a lot. I thought I just catching cold. Bebe told me to take vitamin c to help my body against cold symptoms. That was work I was stop sneezing and my throat feel better, but my vertigo stand still. Wednesday morning I had vertigo again n my left ear feel hurt, I went to hospital with one of my Chinese friend to help me with translating. She told the doctor all of symptoms n then the doctor check my ear n mouth, he said I have an ear infection n I should came earlier before the infection getting worse. Strike one! >.<

The doctor gave me prescription to get IV , pills, n ear drops. What? IVs?! I never have IV in my life n now I must have 3 bottles IVs in a day for 3 days. After that continue with pills.. Strike two! >.<

My friend told me that in china they will give IV for almost everything. They love to make holes on ur vein! Lol

Poor me, I hate needles! >.<

---

I had panic attack last night, around 10 minutes not too long but quite depressing. Today I feel my world spinning, having vertigo and catching cold. Time to get rest..

---

Found my old daily planner.  I successfully reach about half of my mid term goals. Including man of my life,  which wasn't my priority at all, lol.

I realize at this moment I don't have written short / mid / long term plans anymore.  I should start to write it down so I have more motivation in this life.  I feels like loosing my way lately.  Happy with present till forget that I need to set goals.  So I can thank God when I'm able to reach it. 

I will back to China in few days.  Don't know when I will be able to come home again.  One thing I understand is I must have at least $1000 to go home next time, means I must have that amount of money in my saving.  That means I must work harder,  because lately only have maximum $500 in my saving..  sad right?  And problems seem keen on to stick on my business this last few months.  Oh my God please help me..

---

Third post today, what can I say.. what can I say.. I really need to take this burden out of my soul!

With all of this emotional days.. tears.. anger in my chest.. Tonight I still want to thank God that I could visit my family this summer.. made me realize how worth they are.. And another thing is I want to thank God to let me have my husband, an amazing loving gentle guy.. Kindest guy I've ever met in my life. I'm so lucky to have him! ^_^

I love you Bebe... see you soon my love...

---

Still feel guilty..
A little depressed today, sad all day.. trying to convince my self to moving on coz I can't change what happened, cannot make them back to life again. Can't change anything.. Bebe convinced me that it's not my fault but I can't agree, I'm still thinking it's all my fault.. God please forgive me T_T

I can't concentrate with my work keep remember their cute faces, God please forgive me T_T

This summer very unforgettable, many sweet and sad things happened. Traveling to Hongkong, Thailand, Bali, Java.. precious moments.. Lost my phone, crashed rental car, my cats death, eBay problems, slow business.. so many things happened.

Feels like loosing all of my life energy...

Tired.

---

God please forgive me..  let me save more animals in the future,  don't let me make mistake again..

Review Belanja : tokomarwa.com

Kali ini Engi ingin mereview pembelian di toko online herbal tokomarwa.com, cekidot!

Aug 13 : trial order nail henna + vco (minyak 120ml) -- toko tutup libur kemerdekaan, buka lagi tgl 15
Aug 15 : penjual konfirmasi barang akan dikirim hari itu
Aug 20 : Engi sms minta nomor resi, penjual reply barang dikirim menggunakan pandu logistik
Aug 22 : Barang sampai, total pengiriman 7 hari! (lama banget, pake JNE dari Jakarta aja 2 hari nyampe -_-") Dan setelah dibuka isi paketnya nail henna dan KAPSUL VCO! Engi pesan minyak yang dikirim kapsul, alamakkkk.. nunggu lama2 tuh minyak buat ngobatin kucing sakit salah pula yang dikirim! Komplain ke CS nya by SMS, dijawab bahwa barang bisa diretur dan biaya ditanggung penjual. Bete, males nunggu lama2 karena udah mo cabut dari Indo and musti kirim balik pake duit sendiri akhirnya dibiarin aja deh gak jadi retur.

Kesimpulan:
(+) Harga Murah
(+) Respon CS cepat
(-) Pengiriman lama banget (Pandu logistik 7 hari)
(-) Barang yang dikirimkan salah - kalo menurut Engi ini kesalahan FATAL sebagai penjual

Personally gak bakal belanja disini lagi, buang waktu and bikin bete!
Kalo pembaca ingin belanja di toko ini mungkin lebih baik cek lagi dengan mereka sebelum kirim barang apa yg dikirim udah seusai. Dan kalo gak pengen lama minta jangan pake Pandu Logistik, ganti aja pake JNE ato POS yg pasti cepat nyampenya ;)

Sadness and panic attack

Sad..  3 cats death in one week..  really affected my stress level.  Had panic attack few days ago,  and almost again this morning! Thanks God for self control, I could passed it well..

Happy Independence Day Indonesia! Dirgahayu Kemerdekaan Republik Indonesia!

Dirgahayu Kemerdekaan Republik Indonesia Ke-68!

Merdekalah dari kebodohan!

Merdekalah dari kemiskinan!

Merdekalah dari korupsi!

---

I started again my six weeks six packs yesterday.  It was a killer!  I didn't do any exercise during Ramadan, it means a month without any exercise.  And yesterday was feel amazingly refreshing and breath taking at the same time,  lol

As we know I started different exercises to get rid off my belly fat.  But I didn't do it regularly so the result was very slow. Although I can see significant difference between me a year ago and me today.  Less fat belly and more muscles on my body. But I'm thinking the progress will be faster if I able to do it regularly.. Oh well,  that's over..  shouldn't regrets it.

I'm going to do better exercise and live a healthier life,  that's my goal.  Will update my belly progress soon!

--

10 days without bebe,  having insomnia most of the time.  Including tonight.. darn now I'm hungry!

---

Day 3 of dysmenorrhea,  make me feel very weak. Tired of the pain. I took pill for relieved it but not really work. My mom made traditional drink to make me feel better made from tamarinds,  salt, and water. It works,  I feel much better now:)

But have bad news one of my cat has his ass bleeding,  not just spot it was bleeding.  He looked in pain and then run out of our house,  I can't find him yet:(

My Bebe hasn't email me today,  I hope he is okay and won't missed his flight again.  God I miss him:((

I feel sad for all that happened today,  now I'm crying...

--

OMG It's August already!
Miss my Bebe..  will meet him again by the end of this month,  feels like a thousand years apart -_-"

Got dysmenorhea again this month, It's killing me! Since I moved to China I always feel pain on my periods,  I dunno why.. I don't like it for sure..

Home again!

Yes, I'm home!
Feel happy meet my family after 6 months away from them. Will be here for about a month, nice... ^_^

Have some pictures from my holiday in Bangkok and Bali, will post here soon... (if I don't forget :p)

Uhm... btw, internet here quite slow.. Quite annoying when you need speed for work.. Hummpf... Oh well, it should be a holiday anyways :D

Sunset in Kuta

Last day in Bali,  enjoying  beautiful sunset in kuta beach...

--

Already back to Xi'an.  Somehow I've been very busy. 

I Went to dental hospital yesterday,  my doctor said my teeth move quite  slow.  So she tightened up my teeth more than what she did last month,  it caused me got headache this last 2 days. I have painkillers, but only help for few hours..

Today was a busy day too. I worked on my eBay, did some laundries,  and went to post office. And since It's China, posting package could be a pain in the ass! I'll tell you the details tomorrow.  Need to go to bed now, my head feel so heavy..

Nite..

Hong Kong part two

Wednesday night I arrived in Hong Kong.  This time I will spend my time alone. It's not a holiday.  It's a trip with mission! Not as cool as secret agent mission but It's quite tiring..

I need to report my marriage to Indo consulate in HK.  Yes, we didn't do it when we were here..  we were so hurry headed back to China,  and now must spend more time n money for things that we could do back then.  Oh well,  we learned our lesson:D

I'm quite impressed with Indo consulate staffs work,  they were very helpful.  And I also thankful to Mr consulate,  because helped me to get document that I needed at the same day I submitted it because I fly far away from Xi'an.  So thoughtful!

I also need to get certified copy of my marriage certificate and send it to my homeland,  Indonesia.  I thought I could make payment by cash.  But the officer said no,  because I want a postal process I need to make bank draft payable to Hong Kong government. The officer told me that I could make it at any bank.  Sound easy rite? But the fact wasn't!

I didn't know that most of bank won't make bank draft for u if u don't have bank account on that bank.  I went to BNI they can't do it. Then to China citic bank,  bank of China,  China construction bank,  all rejected me!  I walked a lot,  saw map a lot,  lost some times..  omg so tiring..  one last try,  I went to HSBC,  the receptionist said they can make bank draft for me although I don't have bank account there.  But guess what?  I told myself not to believe her,  so I won't be disappointed (again!) If the teller told me cannot:D

It was a long queue..  I was so tired and sweaty.  When it was my turn I asked whether I could make bank draft without hsbc account.  And he said yes they can,  but must pay handling fee amounted HKD 100. Oh thanks God,  at last!

Long story huh? So tired today..  my feet hurt,  huhuhu...
Tomorrow I will go to lantau island to see the big Buddha.  So excited,  but I wish I could go with bebe -_-" I actually want to go to ocean park too,  but I don't want to do it without bebe..

Will share my experience after visiting the big Buddha..  talk to u soon!

eBay Sucks!

eBay being so mean to me lately, it suspended my account because of some stupid buyers too lazy to ask some question and just open dispute against me for nothing. And now they hold my fund. Don't they realize I've been selling there for 3 years with no major problem? -_-" 

So my quote of the day:

!!!

Let's take a nap @KFC

Few days ago I went to KFC for lunch. I know, junk food bad for me but I was so hungry and need some food before shopping some groceries. It was around 2PM, and this is what I found!

Many people took nap there! OMG, I know from my friend that Chinese love take nap. But really? At KFC? lol

--

Feel depressed today somehow,  not sure what caused it.  Maybe I just think too much.  Tired...

Chinese + Umbrella = Sun Phobia ???

It's almost summer people! And yes, the sun shines so bright.. its time for.. UMBRELLA!

For Chinese skin color related to social status that you have. The lighter yous skin color means the higher social status you are in. We can see the logic here, people with light skin means they don't hav to work under the sun, such as farmer, construction builder, n etc. Which means you have a good indoor work that pay you more money than people who work outdoor. The lighter your skin, lesser outdoor work you do, means the wealthier you are. That's what I understand from my Chinese friend.

To have light skin color some people use whitening products, and another prevention step is avoid the sun! That's the important function of Umbrella!!! I've seen many people use umbrella since Spring coming old, young, skinny, fat, mostly women.. but men also want to keep their skin away from the sun. Just like this guy!

What about when you're on the bus and the evil sun light attack you???

Of course, Chinese will use their umbrella! Hahahaha... Can I call Chinese has sunphobia? :p

Orang Cina dan Payung

Payung, payung, payung... dimana-mana ada payung!
Yup, musim panas telah tiba dan payung layaknya jamur di musim hujan menyebar dimana-mana. Nyebutnya apa yah? Memayung? bukan menjamur? Wekekekeke...

Di Cina warna kulit menandakan status sosial yang dimiliki. Semakin cerah/putih kulit seseorang menandakan bahwa semakin tinggi status sosialnya dengan asumsi dia tidak perlu bekerja di bawah terik matahari. Gak beda jauh dengan di Indonesia kan? Banyak orang beranggapan putih itu cantik, orang kaya berkulit cerah/putih karena mereka bekerja di dalam ruangan ber-AC dan pake mobil kemana-mana. Aku pribadi sih nggak melihat kecantikan dari warna kulit, terlalu sempit pemikiran seseorang jika cuma berpatokan pada satu hal seperti itu -__-"

Oh well, kembalik ke topik awal. Karena pandangan umum tentang warna kulit tadi, banyak orang cina ingin kulitnya terlihat cerah/putih. Selain menggunakan produk pemutih mereka juga memiliki senjata andalan yang namanya...

PAYUNG!

Hampir semua orang (terutama wanita) tua muda, kurus gemuk, pake payung kalo keluar rumah. Tapi jangan salah, kaum pria juga ingin kulitnya terlihat cerah, karena itulah pria yang satu ini juga pake payung :p

 

Kalo di dalam bis gimana?

Ya tetep pake payung! Hahahaha... Can I call Chinese has sunphobia? :p

Hello... June!

Just want to say... HELLO JUNE! Or mid June exactly! lol

Oh God, what did I do.. It's been more than a month since the last time I wrote here.. I missed  writing...

I will start to write again! A lot interesting experience I have since I moved in China, and I want to share it with the world!

Engi is BACK!

>>chu!

--

Did I tell you that I start wearing braces last Saturday?

It's a torturing me! I wonder why some people in Indonesia want to wear it although they have no problem with their teeth, just because it's kind of new trend..they think it's cool wearing colorful braces -_-" Such a silly people! I tell you what? I don't want to have this treatment if I don't have messy teeth!

Materialistic

Materialistic defined as excessive concerned with physical comforts or the acquisition of material things rather than spiritual, intellectual moral, or cultural values.

Heavy subject for Saturday morning isn't?  Lol!
Do you have any people surround you that has this characteristic? For me, this character is very annoying. From my life experience people who has this character become mean in certain way. They will only nice to or people that give them material advantage. They become material slave, personally I would say They become money's slave. Coz material must have money value.

A girl who married a guy because this guy rich, a wife that become nice to her husband only after she received money from him nd become mean to him after she spent those money are example of negative materialistic implementation. I will say go to hell for those people!

my point is I don't like someone who has t guy s character and trying to filled it by taking advantage from others...

*A note of disappointment

Neck Pain

Yes, it's been 3 days I had a neck pain. I think it's because I had bad sleeping position and hurt my neck. In Indonesia I usually put a pain relieve patch to heal it. Since I live in China now and I can't speak Chinese, finding a medicine could be pain in the ass! lol

Yesterday I went to pharmacy near my apartment, my Google translate on my phone somehow didn't work. Annoying? Yes it was. So I tried to type in my Chinese dictionary apps the word "pain" = Téngtòng (疼痛)
showed it to the shopkeeper and then hold my neck with in pain expression on my face. She started talk in Chinese (which I didn't understand, lol) and take me to different counter. Well she did understand what I was talking about, yey! She gave me a pack of pain relieve patch

I asked her : How Much? = Duōshǎo qián? (多少钱？)
She said : Er Sheu Liu = Twenty Six
1 package consist of 10 sheets

It's not as hot as Indonesian patch, but it's quite help to relieve the pain. Hopefully I will get better in few days.. Wish me luck!

--

Still in Hong Kong airport,  tired. Woke up at 4am this morning,  my neck n back feels hurt. Still 2 hours before the departure time. Feel very sleepy but I just can't. I think I will sleep later on the plane.

It will be a long day. I will not be able to sleep well before 6pm I guess. Can't wait when I arrived at the hotel. I will sleep in a nice bed, releasing my neck and back pain, lol

I'm missing my baby.. he should be getting ready for work now.. hope he's okay when I'm leaving. I feel worry about how he'll eat,lol.don't want him to eat junk food most of the time.  That's not good for his health.

To know that he love me so much make me feel happy. When he told me he feels lucky to have me, I felt flattered.. lol. Hey I'm a woman!

Sleep over at Hong Kong airport

It's 12:06 am, n I'm here alone in Hong Kong airport. My flight to my home country will be depart tomorrow morning. I'm not the only person who sleep over here. Some people sleep in the benches in front of me.

The question is, What am I doing at this time? Why am I still awake? The answer is I'm charging my cellphone on the public charger. Different with What they have in Jakarta airport, this facility don't have individual chamber n lock for each plug. So I can't leave my phone, must guarding it till finished charging.  Oh my God!  Lol

Ski

I went for skiing yesterday, that was my first time and might be the last time I do that. When we rent the ski boots the officer gave me size 40 instead of 38/39. Can u imagine? It's my first time wearing that weird heavy boots and they gave me the wrong size. I can't move easily cuz the boots just too big, too heavy, and trapped my movement. I told him that I couldn't walk because the boots was too big, he said it's not too big and it's not designed for walk, it's for ski. What he didn't understand was wearing too big boots will make you barely move!

Felt neglected coz he didn't believe what I said. I tried to keep using those ski equipments, when I took hook that dragged me to the top of the mountain slope I fell down, I really can't control my feet movement. Did it twice and fell down twice, I was so angry.

Climbed up to the top by walking, tried my best to walk on those boots. When I arrived at the top I tried skiing, but I scared to death. It's so high and sloppy and I can't control my feet because of those awful boots. A perfect combination! I cried, scared n mad. I think I was scared of height, I must walked down the hill with boots that made me unbalanced all the time. Terrible :-(

I will not go for ski again I guess.. Or maybe I'll try again with boots that fit my feet and decide whether the problem is from the boots or I just scared of height.

One last word for my first ski experience, TERRIBLE!